10.12.2010

Backwards.

So, I am honored and excited to be the matron of honor in my sweet friend Melanie's wedding at the end of January. Seriously, how cool! She recently became engaged (in fact, while I was visiting Ruston!) and the wedding will be January 29th.

Soooo, I had to call the bridesmaid dress place- which is a little bridal/formal shop about 30 minutes from my hometown with some sassy older ladies working inside. I was wondering hows about they were going to "configure my size" for January. Little did I know...

Betty Jo: So, you're the little pregnant bridesmaid!

Me: Yes Ma'm. Well, I'm not little but I am pregnant.

Betty Jo: When is your due date?

Me: October 25th...so, in 12 days this baby will be here.

Betty Jo: Is this your first child?

Me: No, this is our second.

Betty Jo: How old is your first child?

Me: He's almost 18 months old.

Betty Jo: You know there are ways to prevent that!

Me: Well, it'll be exciting at least.

Betty Jo: Sure, it'll be fine. It'd just be a little better if they were a little further apart.

Well, it's a little too late now, Betty Jo.

Betty Jo: So, you're due in less than 2 weeks.

Me: Yes Ma'm.

Betty Jo: Okay, well the wedding is January 29th.

Me: Yes Ma'm. And with my son, Henry, I wore a stretchy size 8 pair of jeans from the Gap when he was 3 months old.

Betty Jo: Well, but those fit below your waist, right? Like, on your hips?

Me: Ummm, I guess so.

Betty Jo: Well, here's what we're gonna do. Now do you have a tape measurer with you?

Me: Well, no but I can find one.
Betty Jo: I'm gonna have you measure your chest, right below your chest- where your bra hits, and then your waist.

Me: Sure...but I'm 9 months pregnant right now.
Betty Jo: Well, I've got a formula and I'll work backwards so that we can figure out your size.

Me: Ooookay.

(Pause while measuring- we used a literal stiff tape measurer so not too sure on the accuracy but I was not very sure on the accuracy of her plan anyway...
but I give her the measurements. I will spare you except that the waist measurement was 41 inches around.)

Betty Jo: Okay, so you're gonna lose a couple inches off your breasts.

Me: But I will be nursing so we should consider that...

Betty Jo: Still should be smaller, and then your waist is 41 inches right now and you're 9 months pregnant. So, when you were 8 months pregnant, it was 38 inches and when you were 7 months pregnant you were 34 inches
(and so forth, and so forth until she gets to...)
and so when you were 3 months pregnant, your waist was 24 inches....does that sound right?

Me: (thinking: 3 months pregnant and a 24 inch waist? Who am I? Scarlett O'Hara?)
Um, no ma'm. My waist hasn't been 24 inches in quite some time.

Betty Jo: Well, I think we should go ahead and order a size 4 so you have a lil' extra room.
Me: Well, thank you for the compliment but I don't think a size 4 will suffice in a bridesmaid dress, especially 3 months after the baby arrives. I think I'll need much larger.

Betty Jo: Well, according to my calculations, you should be about a 24 inch waist in January.

Me: Well, let's say I'm not. Let's just order a bigger size and if my waist somehow gets down to 24 inches, then we can alter it.

Betty Jo: Alright, well a size 8 dress can be let out to a size 12 or taken in to a size 4.

Me: Lovely. That sounds fine.

Betty Jo: Well, the dresses take 3 months to get in so you can just come in the Thursday before the wedding and I will alter it for you.

Now, is that not the craziest way of calculating a pregnant woman's future size?

Dear Lord, Please let me be skinny enough to fit into this dress.

*Names have been altered to protect ol' Betty Jo.

22 comments:

Jeff and Lauren said...

Ahhh! That is too funny. I am laughing out loud here. That woman is crazy! I'm sure you will look amazing.

I'm in my brother and sister-in-law's wedding at the end of November and I'll be 33+ weeks along. I ordered a VERY large dress and keep trying it on. Let's just say I'm worried at this point. It fits for now but I'm expanding pretty rapidly!

Katie said...

That sounds like some Hers Bridal math right there.

Lora said...

BC, Meriedth & I HAVE CRACKED UP over this conversation.

The Allen Family said...

I was cracking up when I read that post!!! At least she flattered you an didn't say you needed a huge size! : )

lisa said...

hilarious! last time i was pregnant (also 9 months) i had to order two bridesmaid dresses. one ended up being huge and the other ended up being too small. awesome! and, the lady i talked to tried to get me to order a size 20 because of my measurements... i was like, lady, my waist is not usually 42 inches!!! it was pretty funny. anyways, good luck with that! :)

Ann Miller said...

you made me laugh out loud!! when i was 8 1/2 mos pg w/emma, i was in my friends wedding. a darling little vera wang number. think vera makes a lot of double digit sizes, much less maternity?? just sufice it to say, a morbidly obese pg girl will get to go to her prom thanks to me. i donated it to cinderella's closet. so...yes, you will fit in your dress. get in touch w/me and i'll tell you how...

Bethany said...

Thank you so much for sharing this story, that lady sounds like a hoot. =)

brown eyed blogg said...

this is the funniest thing i have ever read.

Joanna said...

Oh dear...speechless. Poor Betty Jo, bless her heart! You will fit into the dress and your boys will be the best of friends and the spacing is perfect for the record!!!

rachel said...

um um um i can't even believe that happened. wow. that is completely wrong math.

for what it's worth, they measured me for my sister's wedding in august, when i was about 9 monthsp regnant. they told me to get a size EIGHT-FREAKING-TEEN. (18). they told me my boobs would NOT get smaller since i would be nursing, etc. they thought i'd be huge.

sufficet to say, I was not that large, and i ended up having to find a very accomplished seamstress to alter the dress down to more of a size 14. it was crazy!

The Sudan Fam said...

hilarious!!!

Adams Plus One said...

Oh wow. That was a funny recap. :)

The Dugdale Family said...

Hilarious! I had to do the same thing when I was 7 months pregnant. I don't know how they think they can figure these things out. Good Luck!

Sarah Lynne said...

I think that lady's on to something!

C and G said...

That is too funny!! I had to pre-order a 5 week post-pregnancy dress, pure guesswork and totally too big. However, might have been different had I been enlightened to the 'formula'. Ha!

Sarah Feigleson said...

baaahahahahaha.....that is a crack up. I think my thigh MIGHT be 24"?! gotta love her! I hope you're feeling good and gettin' excited to meet Elliot. I can't wait to see pictures of lil' bro & big bro. SO cute.

Emery Wilkerson said...

This really made me laugh out loud!!! Great story & glad you recorded that one!! And PS- Pretty sure I know EXACTLY who you were talking to!!! Been there & done that! :-)

The Tylers said...

Girl,
I can so relate...had someone tell me that I needed to "close my legs" since mine were so close together. Nice...
And when LG was 7 weeks old I was in Mary Catherine's wedding sporting a size 12 dress. But your story was much more entertaining than mine!!

The Tylers said...

Girl,
I can so relate...had someone tell me that I needed to "close my legs" since mine were so close together. Nice...
And when LG was 7 weeks old I was in Mary Catherine's wedding sporting a size 12 dress. But your story was much more entertaining than mine!!

jessie said...

ok, you don't know me. i've been reading your blog for a while now. i laughed so hard reading this! i know exactly who you're talking about!! when i was 3 mths preg i went there to order a bmaid dress to wear when i was 8 1/2 mths preg. she used her "formula" to determine the size i needed (21 WIDE) so i said ok. at 8 1/2 mths preg i go to try the dress on for alterations and me (8 1/2 mths preg) AND the bride could fit in it! so, as funny and sweet as this woman is i wouldn't trust her calculations! in her defense though, there was plenty of extra fabric to "mold" the dress around me and my belly; which is exactly what they had to do. i looked aweful but we knew that was going to happen when we ordered the dress! :)

Beth said...

Well if it makes you feel better i have a bigger dress size and I am NOT 9 months pregnant nor will I be in three months.

The Rabe's said...

OK, I'm totally a blog stalker but I just had to tell you that I laughed so loud I think I woke up my kid. Good luck on Monday!