Soooo, I had to call the bridesmaid dress place- which is a little bridal/formal shop about 30 minutes from my hometown with some sassy older ladies working inside. I was wondering hows about they were going to "configure my size" for January. Little did I know...
Betty Jo: So, you're the little pregnant bridesmaid!
Me: Yes Ma'm. Well, I'm not little but I am pregnant.
Betty Jo: When is your due date?
Me: October 25th...so, in 12 days this baby will be here.
Betty Jo: Is this your first child?
Me: No, this is our second.
Betty Jo: How old is your first child?
Me: He's almost 18 months old.
Betty Jo: You know there are ways to prevent that!
Me: Well, it'll be exciting at least.
Betty Jo: Sure, it'll be fine. It'd just be a little better if they were a little further apart.
Well, it's a little too late now, Betty Jo.
Betty Jo: So, you're due in less than 2 weeks.
Me: Yes Ma'm.
Betty Jo: Okay, well the wedding is January 29th.
Me: Yes Ma'm. And with my son, Henry, I wore a stretchy size 8 pair of jeans from the Gap when he was 3 months old.
Betty Jo: Well, but those fit below your waist, right? Like, on your hips?
Me: Ummm, I guess so.
Betty Jo: Well, here's what we're gonna do. Now do you have a tape measurer with you?
Me: Well, no but I can find one.
Betty Jo: I'm gonna have you measure your chest, right below your chest- where your bra hits, and then your waist.
Me: Sure...but I'm 9 months pregnant right now.
Betty Jo: Well, I've got a formula and I'll work backwards so that we can figure out your size.
(Pause while measuring- we used a literal stiff tape measurer so not too sure on the accuracy but I was not very sure on the accuracy of her plan anyway...
but I give her the measurements. I will spare you except that the waist measurement was 41 inches around.)
Betty Jo: Okay, so you're gonna lose a couple inches off your breasts.
Me: But I will be nursing so we should consider that...
Betty Jo: Still should be smaller, and then your waist is 41 inches right now and you're 9 months pregnant. So, when you were 8 months pregnant, it was 38 inches and when you were 7 months pregnant you were 34 inches
(and so forth, and so forth until she gets to...)
and so when you were 3 months pregnant, your waist was 24 inches....does that sound right?
Me: (thinking: 3 months pregnant and a 24 inch waist? Who am I? Scarlett O'Hara?)
Um, no ma'm. My waist hasn't been 24 inches in quite some time.
Betty Jo: Well, I think we should go ahead and order a size 4 so you have a lil' extra room.
Me: Well, thank you for the compliment but I don't think a size 4 will suffice in a bridesmaid dress, especially 3 months after the baby arrives. I think I'll need much larger.
Betty Jo: Well, according to my calculations, you should be about a 24 inch waist in January.
Me: Well, let's say I'm not. Let's just order a bigger size and if my waist somehow gets down to 24 inches, then we can alter it.
Betty Jo: Alright, well a size 8 dress can be let out to a size 12 or taken in to a size 4.
Me: Lovely. That sounds fine.
Betty Jo: Well, the dresses take 3 months to get in so you can just come in the Thursday before the wedding and I will alter it for you.
Now, is that not the craziest way of calculating a pregnant woman's future size?
Dear Lord, Please let me be skinny enough to fit into this dress.
*Names have been altered to protect ol' Betty Jo.