12.10.2007

Gymbees

Going to the Y makes for really good people watching. You see some interesting characters at the gym. To name a few:

1. "Sexual grunting guy". No matter which state or gym we've been in, there's always one. Thats right- illicit grunting man. He doesn't seem to notice that everyone is cutting eyes at each other and having to focus hard on their shoes so as not to burst out laughing. Or vomit.

2. "I don't pick up on signals that people want to be left alone" guy. If given an inch, this guy will talk to you for the better part of an hour- about carbs, the eliptical, his plans to be on "The Amazing Race". Even your "subtle" glances at your watch and "Welp...."s don't phase him. IPOD ear buds may do the trick if never taken out as said guy approaches.

3. Stinky guy. This guy may not have ever worn deodorant. And I think he rolled around in eggs before he came to work out. Oh, and also he doesn't wipe down his machines. Ewwwwww

4. Super laid back weight machine lady. C'mon lady, you've been sitting on the stupid hamstring machine for 6 minutes! How long are you going to rest between sets??? Wait..have you... have you fallen asleep??

5. Loud, obnoxious preteens. 12 year olds wearing tiny shorts "casually" walking by 14 year old boys over and over while talking loudly about who knows what? I don't- because I literally cannot understand them. Did I ever talk like that?! Don't answer that, mom.

6. Super Type A Business Woman. You'll find her on the eliptical. This woman is kinda like Michelle Pfeifer (spelling?) in the movie, "I Am Sam." She is perfectly outfitted in the newest Nike Lyrca, couldn't weigh over 105 lbs., has the machine's intensity cranked up to the max, and is working/reviewing a file/barking orders on her cell phone with no regard for other gymbees.

7. " I've never seen this guy workout" guy- Does he just hang out at the Y til it closes and then sneak upstairs and crash on a mat from the nursery? This guy is always sitting on a bench, knows everyone in the Y, but has yet to ever step onto a machine. It IS fun to stay at the YMCA, sir... you proved that song right.

8. ARGHHHHHH- Angry weightlifter guy. Enough said.

9. Starey-starerson. Yep, he stares at himself more than Narcissus. And he makes a face when he stares at himself. Kind of a James Dean lip curl/smirky "how you doin" look. And he says things to his workout buddy like, "I'm going to take it down to 45's and just do, like, CRAZY control bro." But "Bro" sounds like "Bra"- you know the guy.

It makes the gym interesting, eh?
Know any others? Who is your favorite gym character?

9 comments:

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

LOL, I swear to holy moses you are my thinking twin. Sexual grunting guy tooo funny....reminds me of the jackass episode where Johnny Knoxville goes into the gym with a boner (I can say boner on here, can't I???)and is lifting weights with a HUGE BONER (I guess I am not getting bleeped so boner must be ok). Or when he goes to the gym for yoga and is doing down dog and such and cutting the cheeze the whole time. I don't watch that show, I just saw it while channel surfing, really I did.

Lora said...

The Mr. I Know It All Guy-No matter what you do-he has a comment about you doing it wrong, or he knows something better or "What were you TRYING to work on with that?" comment.

The Mr or Ms I Have Done That, But Done It Longer & Better Person-no explanation needed


Ms Over The Top-I have been to 3 straight classes and been on the treadmill for another 2 hours.

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

Oh, and this is why I workout at home!!

Marylou said...

My fav people are the "treadmill walkers" I guess no one ever informed these people that you can also walk to your car, or in your neighborhood, or even (gasp!) to the gym! (oh horror!) Sorry...I have just seen too many people drive up to the gym, circle around for the closest parking spot, then get on the treadmill and walk. :)

ps. thanks for the shout-out buddy...I really shouldn't talk...couldn't walk on the treadmill right now if my life depended on it!!

Ron said...

How about the "Sickly thin woman running on the eliptical trying to lose that next half pound" gymbee? There's 2 at my Y (Glenwood) who do this all the time. I have no idea why they'd need to do a half hour of friggin' intense cardio, as they'd be better served by drinking a thick milkshake or eating a cheeseburger.

When someone can make out the bones in your forearm, it's time to eat a meal, honey. Or two.

Rachael said...

LOL nice post!!!!

gabe said...

and yes, bra. you did talk like that

Anonymous said...

Arn't you making fun of these folks?

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

Anonymous,
No she WASN'T making fun of this group of people. She has waaaay more class than that. Sooooo politically incorrect. Open up your eyes......she is merely fighting for the plight of the "gymbee". Perhaps we should start a collection.