On Rage...

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:29-32

'Cause she'll rage just like a river...then she'll beg you to forgive her
Oh she's every woman that I've ever known
Garth Brooks

Ever get frustrated with your spouse? Ever have rage and anger swell up in your chest like hot, liquid magma? Some days, I can be the queen of pity parties & perceived injustices & anger, and it often happens in my marriage. What?! Yes. Adam is an amazing man but we are sinners sharing a life. Here's what God is showing me.

At times, I will be plagued with these angry thoughts towards Adam. Like, Why does he get more sleep than me? It's not fair. Or pity party thoughts... I'll try to fight them myself. Swallow these thoughts down. Ask them to be taken away. But they keep coming back up like heavy hitters as I angrily scrub a counter or carry a laundry hamper, acting like a martyr with a clenched jaw.

Then, something will happen and these thoughts will explode out of my mouth, at Adam. And I won't feel any better after the discussion is over. I'll realize that whatever I was mad about really wasn't even a big deal to me...it was just plaguing my brain. Here's the deal: Sometimes my frustrations may be legit...but usually they are not.

1. God is teaching me that when I feel like having a pity party or can't shake negative thoughts and anger that I need to wield the Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (see Ephesians 6). Praying God's word. Some verses that have been especially helpful have been these:

Eph 4:29-32
Eph 4:10
1 Chron. 16
Eph 4:19-20
Eph 6:7-8
Luke 6:37-38
Phil 2

2. Of course, I think it is VITAL to discuss frustrations and concerns with your spouse. Prayerfully before they explode out of your mouth in rage. One thing that I've asked Adam to do is to thank me more often and to acknowledge that I am sleep deprived. It's weird to ask him to thank me but it makes me feel so much better when he acknowledges or shows gratitude. So, I could sit and pout and be super angry that he hasn't thanked me. Or I could tell him that by thanking me, he is helping to still and quiet the storm of fury building up...and he happily will!

3. Asking God to show me times that I've been shown mercy by Adam. There are tons of times, seriously- I can be a pill and a half. But, concerning the sleep issue, during the first two years of medical school, Adam would wake up before 5 a.m. to study and I would stay in bed and sleep until I needed to wake up for work. He never begrudged me my sleep, always encouraged it. I know there will be other seasons where he will be the one sleeping less and I hope he is gracious and not resentful towards me.

4. Here's the funny thing: God has totally sustained me in the sleep department. Sure, I'm tired some days, but for the most part, He has given me supernatural energy and I need to be thanking Him! It's like that parable about the workers in the vineyard (Mat. 20) and God is giving me plenty, in fact I'm overflowing and I need to stop worrying about what someone else is getting. I deserve nothing. I have much!

Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me. Psalm 54:4

So, God- give me an attitude of Thanksgiving! Let me rejoice and be glad in my salvation! Turn my eyes off of myself and onto You!
1 Chron. 16- David's Psalm of Thanks is amazing and such a great place to go to and pray and get your worship on and focus your heart!


Sarah Lynne said...

Guilty! Thanks for sharing this. I love your heart.

The Tylers said...

Great post Camille. I, too, have been convicted of my thoughts and words from my mouth. I especially can relate to asking your spouse for gratitude. Oh how I have felt that the word THANKS goes so far!

the vance's said...

Great writing my friend!! I think any mom and wife can def relate! I do think it is awesome that we can tell our husbands our needs and they listen and understand!
Thank you for this!!

Unknown said...

I can really relate to this. Thanks for being honest & sharing it.

Bethany said...

I so appreciate your honesty and the reminder to have a thankful heart.

lindsey said...

I definitely needed to read this! It has been a struggle for me lately...the whole pity party thing. I guess I let myself feel entitled or something, but that is totally the wrong way to think! Thank you so much for sharing, and thank you for the scripture! You're awesome!

Lorraine said...

gracias, amiga. i really feel this and am trying to be better, too. love your blog.

Sky said...

So, this is random, but I just noticed you commented on my blog when I first started it a year and a half ago after I got married. You said a great thing about marriage is that you don't have to leave to go to a different house at night, and it's true! That's one of the best things about marriage. I'm glad you and Adam are so happily married. It's awesome to read about your family, especially since you live in my town! God bless!

Sarah Duke said...

I so needed to read this. I am so encouraged by the fact there are other women out there who all struggle with the same issues. I think it's so easy for us to not only get wrapped up in the pity parties, but to also think "this only happens to me". Thanks for the encouraging words and the scriptures. I am definitely going to keep those handy!