It's so interesting to undertake a project that seems one-dimensional and then realize that there's a lot under the surface, baby. That's how doing this paleo challenge has been for me (day 12- whoop!). I noticed that during my first couple of days of paleo, I reached for my phone a lot more. Especially during stressful moments with the kids or when I felt really tired, I was grabbing my phone more often to just distract and numb myself. I had been doing that with food. Grabbing handfuls of random junk whenever the boys were acting up or when I was feeling frustrated from not getting anyone to sleep.
What I had been craving was comfort; comfort and ease of life and that is a crappy goal.
These past twelve days have been so eye-opening and so freeing, for me. Not only to eat with intention but to begin learning how to press in and engage with the Lord during those hard moments of motherhood. I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes and I am seeing Jesus more clearly and what I'm seeing is not condemnation or judgement on my motherly failings but love and encouragement and peace and joy. Deep in my heart, I am sensing more clearly his delight in me and my boys and I am having more fun and feeling more inspired in motherhood and life. In my mind's eye, I see Jesus smiling upon me with intense love in his eyes.
Yes, I have lost my cool and screamed at them and had cruddy moments during these past twelve days but God is changing my heart and I am feeling so much less hazy. I feel like my mind and heart are sharper and more focused and I'm more envisioned for intentional living and mothering. I think that this month is a great prelude into my 30's and I am expectant for years of deeper peace and joy and adventure, years of knowing Jesus deeper still.