5.15.2008

Certain Dri Firey Fire

Have you ever used Certain Dri? I discovered it when I was 17 years old and it's amazing. Basically, it's a antiperspirant that you roll on before you go to bed. But it's really strong and once you use it then you never, ever sweat under your armpits. Seriously, I used it every night for like 3 months and then I quit using it and went back to normal SECRET solid but I still didn't have a drip of sweat under my armpits for like 6 months. Not even on a run in the heat of the Louisiana summer. Like, not even if it's 100 degrees and you're wearing a skintight yellow shirt and sitting on metal bleachers in the noonday sun. No moisture. It just sucks you dry, dude. Anywhoos, I'll go on spurts of using it along with my normal deodorant during the day and it's a wonder stick, especially during hot summer days in the south.

Well, yesterday, I "dry shaved" under my arms. Yes, that's gross and weird but it has to do with the story. So, I dry-shaved before work and then I went to work and about my day, yadee yadee had a great day, la la. Then, before I went to bed, I rolled on my certain dri antiperspirant. Just like normal, right? Well, as I read my book in bed, I noticed that my armpits were a little itchy but that's not totally abnormal. I mean, sometimes they're a little itchy when they're being sucked dry by Certain Dri. So I put it out of my mind and fell asleep shortly afterwards.

Then, in the middle of the night, I shot straight up in bed. My armpits were on fire. This was the most intense, horrid firey pain. And, what a weird place to wake you up out of sleep because it's hurting, right? So, I got up out of bed and quickly stumbled into the bathroom and lifted up my arm. No horrible rash just a little redness. Okay, no problem- just grab the handy-dandy aloe lotion and smear it on.

Ho-hum.

It was basically like pouring gasoline on the fire. My underarms were ablaze with heat & pain. I whimpered back into the bed, hoping it'd go away- that it was a necessary pain that came before the recovery. No. Even worse, Adam and Powers slept through my whimpering and gave me no sympathy. How rude! Minutes later, I made another trip to the restroom where I soaked a towel in water and scrubbed the fire out of my underarms hoping to appease the anger of the certain dri/aloe lotion cocktail. It worked- minutes later, the pain had subsided and I was back in bed.

I think that I probably broke skin when i dry shaved and then the certain dri creeped in and reaped havock on my pits. Nonetheless, I am dry as can be and flowerfresh. Thank you, Certain Dri.

The End.

14 comments:

Lora said...

Once again-TMI! I probably would have tried the washing off first-but glad that occurred to you. When I am in distress in the middle of the night and there is snoring in the bed beside me, I have learned a swift kick or jab usually gets some kind of response-not always the response I wanted-but a response.

lesli said...

oh my gosh when i use mitchum it totally burns! makes me feel like it's working, but it hurts like hell!

Matthew Stone said...

That just made me deep belly laugh...and you can only imagine what that means coming from me..

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

uh, ok

my husband would sleep through an atomic blast......I could be convulsing in the bed next to him and he would never wake up.

freakface said...

Hi. AGAIN WITH THE PLEASE PUT A SUBTITLE ON THESE KINDS OF POSTS WARNING ME TO STAY AWAY!

Melissa said...

Whoa. Certain Dri has a 12% concentration of aluminum chloride. That stuff has got to be powerful. It can cause itching and redness if the skin is sensitive or vulnerable (post shave). I had to switch to a baking-soda based deoderant a while back because of similar skin reactions with the AC-based deoderant. Maybe try applying the CD stuff a little bit less each month.

Ann Miller said...

i think there may be a case of the james sweat glands here...ask gabe about it...

Ann Miller said...

i think there may be a case of the james sweat glands here...ask gabe about it...

Anonymous said...

Just wondering why you even use that stuff at night?

Laura for Certain Dri Antiperspirant said...

Hey Jennings Secede,

We are sorry that you experienced the burning sensation under your arms but we are so happy you are still a loyal Certain Dri user! Dry shaving can be very irritating even hours after being done.
For any of your readers who have questions about Certain Dri we hope you will visit our Web site at www.certaindri.com or you can email us directly at thecertaindriteam@certaindri.com

Thanks again we truly value our loyal customers.
The Certain Dri Team

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